Outtakes of a Brain in Meltdown

Panic! Yet another bad tutorial with Itai over my project. 'Sleigh Bells' playing full blast in the style of a damaged and confused 14 year old, I sit here writing this with what can only be described as the same mind set of Charlie Sheen. Each week I go though a transition within my work, yet each time seeming to come further away from its target. The ultimatum now is to create a beautiful set of fashion photographs and get top marks or barely pass with a project I feel as weight and worth its photographic paper its printed on.

Its been pointed out to me that my reaction to criticism needs work many a time through friends, family and lecturers and I attempt to take this on board. Yet getting to the point of tears in frustration as you seek the approval of  a lecturer you admire is simply a big step back in this attempted improvement.

Breath and count to ten.

(Above) An outtake from the Final Major Project in meltdown.

Kool Kat

To balance out the intense dribble of the last post here is a picture of kitten..

This is Ilford. 

Not gonna lie, cats are rubbish but this one made me fall in love and shamefully do that same voice you do when talking to a baby, consistently whilst at a dinner party, every time I saw him.

Past, Present and Future

After an insightful conversation with Leila yesterday the future and the prospects it holds are becoming more exciting. We discussed different career options and the ladder to get there. Explaining about her friends and their past climb to the top in Gallery work was a pretty inspirational chat for such an early hour of the morning. On reflection my education to date has been very narrow (ie. taking a course at London College of Fashion in Fashion Photography). To try and get around this I need to get more work experience too widen my art spectrum for future career option's. This wont be a chore in anyway, the idea of spending more time learning about art history is something I try to do myself and the experience will hopefully be integral.

Its all too easy to forget your personal pro's, that will set you up for the future, until they are laid bare for you by someone else. One thing it seems I'm good at is pretending. Like a swan panicking under water and calm and collected at the top. Putting these skills to use, a career that mixes both business and photography feels more and more like the right path. My interest in art photography has grown through out University and whilst fashion photography is still something I would like to pursue, more options are now opening up. I'm never going be the man at 40 thinking 'shit what have I done', if I've got another 50 years in me left (touches wood whilst typing) I'm hoping to do a bit of everything.

My experience itself with starting up in fashion photography has been pretty sour. Trying to forge a career in a business where EVERYTHING is personal rather than professional doesn't sit too well with me. Trying to fit a mold, going to the right parties, working with certain people (and loosing all your money to Matilda Finn) is tiresome. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow so I would rather spend my days with people that aren't attempting to screw me over and refer to people as contacts instead of a friend.

Photography is still my passion and this will always be the case. Through university we have always been encouraged to get your signature style, which was a bit of a personal battle for me. Feeling worried about tight casting myself before I even knew what I wanted to do. Meeting Adrian Wilson and having the privilege of assisting him has been invaluable. Showing me that being a schizophrenic photographer is not a bad thing. Whilst assisting Adrian we would do a shoot in the morning that would be all pretty and sweet for a glossy magazine then later in the day would end up photographing a girl get tied up Araki style and having candle wax dripped onto her breasts. The guy was a great photographer, he was also honest and professional. I look up to Adrian and hope all the lessons I learnt from him can be put into practise to better myself.

Juxtaposing Images and Thoughts

Turn up for the books, the image I found and posted last week happened to be created by John Stezaker, better still the Whitechapel Gallery just opened up an extensive view on the life and work of this thought provoking Flâneur. 

The exhibition showed work juxtaposing painterly illustrations of man-made machinery and its steam it produces with the contrasted title of the Sublime and also taking genre photographs and taking away their fixed meaning (literally with crude cutting) to question our relationship with how we view images in their entirety. Stezaker is the original Richard Prince, creating new thoughts and meaning to a found postcard, classic movie still or illustration by editing it with a knife.

 

 

However as for the rest of the current exhibiting work at the Whitechapel; laughable. Summing up all my hate for bad post modernism, 'art for arts sake'. An empty room, attempting to question art itself (cliche alert) made me wonder if it was currently under renovation or as we're in East London, could the work I was meant to be viewing have been robbed?  'Art is collapsing into philosophy.'

Questioning the Question of the Burqa

"I'll take it out of its context. I'll make it a fashion item, and then no one will say anything about it anymore! If it's a fashion item it is impossible to say, "you cannot wear that," or "you cannot do that." It wouldn't be a religious symbol anymore. It would just be clothes."

Walter Van Beirendonck

romance and nature photo find

my girls getting down & dirty

Sex It Up.

What an odd tutorial... Half way through the Final Major Project and things have just been given a big shake up. Out the window is simple portraits and into the picture is a bit of passion. At my lecturer's request, "Alex, it's bland, it needs erections"...

So I headed out for a bit of sexual education. Firstly was the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibition, curated by the Scissor Sisters. Whilst Mapplethorpe's work is flawless and his portraits have always laid heavy in my heart, the new fad of celebrity curating felt somewhat overindulgent. Mirrored Pentagrams in between the evocative images just seemed to downplay his work.

Second on the hit list was the latest showing from Larry Clark, the guilty (almost illegal) pleasure. Larry Clark taps into American youth culture so well, that when you view his montages of social America you become part of this seedy postmodern dirty world. And it does feel both fun and wrong to be in there.

'Council Estate Chic'

Uproots

Two more weeks and then time to pick uproots and head back down South. 

No more black bogeys, rush hour elbowing, stalkers, Tube perverts, giant rats, gangs on the doorstep...

The Lark Ascending

You can shed tears that Gary has gone

Or you can smile because he has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow because of yesterday

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember Gary and only that he's gone

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

Or you can do what he'd want:

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Lesson Learnt

Another missed opportunity. One more unconscious self sabotage.

Whether it's a chance of a connection with another or the chance to grow into the person I hope to be, too many times have these knowingly passed by. Yet once more, but never again.

Beauty Of War

Richard Mosse is currently traveling across the Eastern Congo, photographing conflict and gaining access many a documentary photography could only dream of. However his photographs are all shot using Infrared film. In an attempt to question the very nature of documentary photography, Mosse has ruffled a few serious feathers.

However to me, in a Post Modern world, we are often bombarded with similar images that begin to become caricatures of themselves. Mosse's work in turn makes you stand back, rethink and reaffirm your views.

Colonel Soleil's Boys, North Kivu, Eastern Congo, 2010 by Richard Mosse

Sexual Price

I've always been a man who can place sex into two different realms. One is just fun, consider it a mutual pleasure and satisfaction, then secondly sex can be a about love and being so close to someone both emotionally and physically. Not something to compare, and the lines have never crossed. 

However my new project, using Grindr (all will soon be revealed) has made me question the value of sex. When there is no longer a balanced equal relationship. I was approached by a man to have sex with him for £450 yesterday night. Out of intrigue I continued the conversation with this faceless person. Finally I asked the gentlemen to send over a photo, he could only be described as 'channel 4 documentary sized Obese'. In sudden shock I deleted this gentleman. 

However ever since a question has been hanging over my head. How much is sex worth? 

Brent Booth; 21 years old; Des Moines, Iowa; $30 by Philip-Lorca diCorcia

they are the last free people on the planet

Inspiration of the Day.

Marc Turlan manipulates fashion photographs by destructing them, illustrating them. Placing his own voice on the mass produced image, questioning representation of the simple figure contained in fashion imagery.

Kong Hei Fat Choi- Top photo moments of the year just passed

Getting on it!

So, I've never been the best at self publicity. It doesn't come naturally, I see it in my Dad and I see it within me. A comfort to be in the background and get o with it. Yet due to being often opinionated and loud this is something I feel I no longer want to battle. 

So far my Website domain has been bought two years ago and still lays bear. This blog has been getting covered in cyber-dust. So this is a new change. I'm not planning on joining Titter any time soon and discussing how I like to butter my toast, however Its time to be a bit more active and Get On It

3 way date (jamie, Emma and I- the girls) down to see Metropolis showing at the Roudhouse. Showing with a live orchestra blew my mind.